Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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