Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
Who did Billy Mays play for?
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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