Yo dont text me then not text me
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
