I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
