When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
