Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Just high enough for therapy.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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