Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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