It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Randomize
