she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Randomize
