see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
