Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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