Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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