She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
