and you said cock pushups were impossible
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
