I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Randomize