would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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