Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
