Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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