i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
