Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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