I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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