yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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