the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
