Fine. I'll sleep in my office
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize