If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I want to make a zoo with you.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
