Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
