Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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