i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
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