wat bout pragnant strippers??
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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