No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
