she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
