I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
