Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Randomize
