in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
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