my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize