Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I love you. Go after that dick
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
