after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
