We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
