She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
