I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
