piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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