listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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