They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
