God gave him joint rollers for hands
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize