atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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