Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
