Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
