I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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