can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
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He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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