I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
