I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
