It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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