I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
