Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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