these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
