Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
