I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
