I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Randomize
