i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
