u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Randomize
