My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
