apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
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