if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
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