party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
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