seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
