...so i touched it.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
