Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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