do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I wish there were birth control emojis
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
