She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize