I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Randomize
