he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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