I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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