Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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