I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
