I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
