Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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