I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
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I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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