He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
