im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
My liver just had a heart attack.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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