That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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