Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
