My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
