If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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