please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
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