I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
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