I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
