My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
