Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize