I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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