This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
