is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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