3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
