Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
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