McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize