Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I just threw up on my dentist
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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