Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
