mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Your cock deserves a montage
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
