It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
