I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
