i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize